ZombieTank- Part 4

So the Zombietank stories keep on commin'.

I kinda stock piled this one for a slow night, and here it is.

One Wednesday, I was working at the bar and guess who showed up? Our favorite, Mr. Zombietank himself. It was me, him and 3 of the guys I work with there, and Zombie Land was on TV (how fitting). For the first 2 hours, he decided to further discuss the idea of a Zombie Tank and how it would definitely be the best idea. Mind you, he is also in NYC in this scenario (you know, where tanks are parked on every corner) and NOW he is saying how he is using this to get out of this city, and that is all. I bring up all the scenarios, and also the fact that he's so concerned with finding a tank in a city he doesn't even live in, or appear to visit very often, he forgets about the surrounding zombie apocalypse, and gets eaten. I think he and the guys I work with are teaming up to piss me off about this issue. I went back over to the bar and watched the movie, trying to block these idiots out with their dumb zombie scenarios.

After the co workers leave, its just me and zombietank, chilin'. He asks if my peacock tattoo is done and I show it to him, and he says..and yes, I quote " wow..that is so fucking beautiful, I want to cut your flesh off and hang it on my wall". What???? Wait, What? How creepy is that? Who says that? Oh...and then...

He looks at his beer bottle and then looks at his phone, starts pressing a few buttons and says "lookie here..." so I look at his phone and, no lie.. a picture of a penis. He goes "thats my dick". I said.."umm.. ok... good for you?". He continues by stating how its about the size of his bud lite bottle, and then immediately asks if he can come over and watch Human Centipede when I close up shop. I politely refuse, guessing that cockpic was an attempt to entice me into letting him into my home. Needless to say, we went our separate ways.

He gets creepier by the day, I swear.

The Beard Phenomonon

Back when my husband and I were still together, we used the term 'beardy' quite a bit. It then replied to anyone with a beard. Now, the single me, references it to a FANTASTIC beard.

I'm not quite sure when the whole beard thing began. I started looking at online profiles of guys and kept finding myself liking guys with beards, which lead me to believe that I like beards and since I'm such an amazing saleswoman, I sold myself on the idea.

My friends think this is hilarious. We talk about the beards all the time. I don't know how many conversations begin with "so I met the most awesome beardy.." or "god, that beardy turned out to be such an asshole".

Funny things happen, if you get a few drinks in me and put me around someone with a beard. On New Years Eve, for example, I was standing by my friend D and looked across the room..and saw a beardy. Like a really good beardy. Sure the guy was probably just average looking, but he did have a very nice puffy beard. I told D I just had to touch this guys beard..

I walk up to him, and the conversation goes as such:
me: excuse me, sir?
beardy: yeah?
me: I just wanted to tell you that you have an amazing beard.
beardy: oh..well.. thank you.
me: your welcome
he then turns away, and I tap him on the shoulder
me: I was kinda hoping you would let me touch your beard?
beardy: umm..sure.

I win.

about an hour or so later, a girl comes up to me at the bar and says "that bearded guy was looking for you" I said "oh yeah? he seemed pretty annoyed with me" and she replied "no, he was annoyed with us.. I think he actually liked you cause you touched his beard".

Yeah, its all a little strange, and I usually will make a few comments but I don't typically touch a strangers beard unless I've been drinking.. and with the proper permission, of course.

Tiny T Shirt Guys

So I'm noticing a trend that I am not liking as a single lady.

As a woman, I am expected to and do take a certain amount of pride in my appearance. I believe I have an outstanding wardrobe and I KNOW I have a shoe collection to die for. I buy a lot of my finds online, because they tend to be less 'trendy' and more uniquely my style then a lot of what I find in stores. The problem with online shopping? No dressing room. I know my body pretty well, and I have a pretty good idea of what will fit me, and what will look good on my body type and what is just a waste of money for me. I've only had to do a few returns since I started my online shopping, so I'm pretty proud of myself.

There have been 3 guys thus far that I've gone on dates with that I find something strange going on with their shirts. I personally have to have my clothes fit me very well to be comfortable in them, and I would prefer if something doesn't fit 100%, for it to be a little bit, rather then a little small. I would never expect a man to be a fashionista, but why go out ON A DATE and not be dressed your best?

I believe all 3 of these guys are taller then 6 foot, but when your t shirt hits the waist band of your jeans, either size up or don't move your arms. I know that shopping is frustrating, but they make a thing called a dressing room. You may think you know your size, but trust me, you don't. And if you do? Maybe don't put them in the dryer cause your showing too much.

I see little to no point in dressing to the 9's like I do for a man that doesn't even wear clothes that fit. I'm not asking for a shirt and tie, just a t shirt that doesn't expose your belly button when you reach for your drink. Please and thank you.