So this is more of a thought I've been having lately- after the 'string of 3'.
They say things happen in 3's so maybe its time to be more hopeful for my next round of suitors. However, I've primarily been dating around since my recent relationship ended ( limited information will be included on this) and I've noticed a trend- nice guys. Yeah, I know some of you believe they don't exist and the ones that DO exist will state that they indeed finish last as we have been told from the start. All women claim they want the 'nice guy' or ..'why can't I just find a nice guy'? Truth is, you do, probably more often then you care to realize because you are guilty (as well as I am) of casting them aside for various reasons. My reason? Chemistry. Sometimes...Sometimes its other things.
Some men work so hard to be nice, they are TOO nice.. to the point of being a push over, out to please everyone at once and they loose sight of what they actually want. Its a fine line that men seem to need to walk of being a nice guy and an asshole.
1 of 3- Sir Hustler
So, Sir Hustler and I dated for about 5 months, and it ended a bit more sour then I had hoped. I really don't care to say anything in detail at this time, because its only been about a month since the break up, but regardless, he was a 'nice guy'. When we talked, he even marketed himself as such to me. He did nice things for me, was supportive, and then. .I don't know.. maybe I'm a bitch, or maybe I just know what I want and what I can do and what I can't do. It came to pass that I just saw a lot of personal differences between us, and the way we reacted to things.. it was sometimes big things, sometimes small things, but every time one of these differences presented itself, I knew in my head how I would have acted or reacted to it, and his reaction was EXACTLY the opposite of mine. I know that I can be difficult- I can hold grudges and I can be downright mean.. but the thing about a person who knows what they want is they also tend to know what they DON'T want. Maybe at some point, I'll explore this relationship in more detail, but in conclusion, it was never the fact that he wasn't 'nice' or pleasant, or fun to be around, its just that nice doesn't always cut it when I see that we handle things so differently, and in ways that I can't find in myself to live with.
2 of 3- Mr. No Spark
So this guy I met online asked me to go on a date, and I literally thought 'sure.. I have nothing else on the agenda'. So we went to dinner and a movie. Really nice dinner, and went to see The Hobbit. The problem is, through dinner, I carried the entire conversation. He didn't have much to say unless prompted. I could tell he was insanely nervous. I have a certain..presence about me, I get that. But I also try to make people feel comfortable around me. So we had dinner, and then sat next to each other in silence through a 3 hour movie, and then at the end of the date, he leans in for the dreaded end of night kiss..to which he gets a cheek. I felt no chemistry with this guy at all, and I was hoping it was just nerves so when he asked for a 2nd date, I agreed. Again, he chose dinner and a movie. Nice dinner, terrible movie, but again, no chemistry. Again, this is a story I will add more to later, however for the time being, I'm focusing on the fact that he was NICE. He opened doors, he paid for dinners, movies, everything.. but there was no spark at all.
Before I begin part 3, which will now wait til the next time, I just wanted to clarify, even to myself- ladies, we need to quit complaining about the 'nice guys' and how they aren't there. We need to be honest with ourselves sometimes and just say 'it didn't work..but he's nice'. I'm far beyond the point where I'm going to sit around bashing my exes, especially the ones that are decent people when I know for a fact there are far worse men out there, and just say "sometimes, I prefer the asshole guys"... because sometimes we do. Chemistry is a hard thing to fake, and a harder thing to find. The perfect guy doesn't exist, I'm sure, but when you can find someone that makes the decisions you can live with, and the spark you so desire, and that what you want, go for it. But don't bitch about the 'nice guys' and how they aren't out there- they are. They just may not be the one right for you.
