Sometimes, I'm lucky in love... But mostly, it's a little painful.
Before I met The Protector, I had a few dates or...encounters...with a fella I met off of the same dating website. We had looked at each others profile, and he has tattoos and the appropriate amount of facial hair for me to be intrigued, so we sent a few messages back and forth and started texting.
You know how after a situation arises, you start noticing all of these little red flags you should have picked up on earlier? That about sums this up. He actually cancelled our first date a few days prior, which didn't sit very well with me. It wasn't an emergent situation or anything- but, as I typically do, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Also, he referred to his penis as his 'Peter' which, 1- why is he telling me about his 'Peter' anyways? And 2- a Peter? Are his balls 'Paul' and 'Mary'? Who the hell says that? And, 3- the big one..I am by no means the most educated person I know- but I do think I'm smart, and in most situations, I come across that way. However, I chose to ignore the double negatives, misuse of words, and misspellings that littered our text messages, thinking (hoping) that he was more well spoken face to face.
The first date went..ok. We had enough to talk about but I noticed a lot of ..differences..
1- I am tattooed because I enjoy art, and tattoos are a beautiful art form. I am not tattooed because I like the attention or because I like to be considered 'weird' or 'different'. Peter Man is very into having a certain 'image' about him.. which also crosses over into point 2
2- Peter Man likes to say what he likes to say.. whenever he likes to say it. The poor waitress at the Thai restaurant was so off put by the use of the word 'fuck' when he said it. Most people would say 'excuse me' and refrain from using it.. not to mention he speaks VERY LOUDLY. I was uncomfortable because I'm not a rebellious teenager anymore- I'm an adult and love being viewed as such. As a professional, I never know who my next client could be, so I try to carry myself professionally at all times. This isn't really a factor in Peter Mans life.
Ok, so the end of the date comes about, and here we are. Its always the awkward moment of what is going to happen. We are back at the coffee place, and he says "I hate to cut this short, cause I'm having a great time, but I gotta get home". We head outside and continue chatting by the door, because its raining outside and as I'm in the middle of a sentence, he says 'ok, gotta go.. bye', leans in for an awkward hug and runs to his car.
..really? that's how you end a date, country boy? I mean, I'm cool with the no kiss, because even though we had a good time, I had plenty of reservations about this guy who spoke like the neighbor from Office Space (hence the nickname, Peter Man), but to not even walk me to my car in the rain? Holy rudeness, Batman!
In conclusion, we had 2 more dates after this, and I ended up telling him that we view life too differently for anything more than friendship. We talk once in a great while about tattoos or something of the sort, but the general consensus between my friends and I is that he dashed on the first date because he had to poop and he didn't want to tell me.
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Luck of the Irish..for sure.
So, today has me reflecting quite a bit- technically, the past few days have me reflecting. More than ever.
I should backtrack about a month and a half, to when something amazing and wonderful- and, clearly, unexpected happened. My bitter, cynical ass actually had a good date. An amazing date..my first date with my new boyfriend. Yes, I am coupled or 'booed up', as a coworker of mine likes to put it.
I was at a pissed off place where everyone I was meeting was incredibly dull..thank you, online dating. I had pretty much decided to give up for awhile and had noticed a guy I had talked to a few times visited my profile, so I sent a random message bashing online dating to him and he responded..and text..and dates...and awesomeness.
Enter...The Protector..aka Mr Wonderful, aka Winky (mind out of the gutter-he winks at me..in an adorable, non creepy way). There are so many ways for people to connect...emotionally, physically, mentally, intellectually..and when you hit all of those marks with someone, it is such an amazing and beautiful thing..but now I'm just gushing, so back to the task at hand.
My mind was weighed down by a failure from my past for quite awhile- a failure that ended 1 year ago today. I've mentioned this briefly, with 'the one who got (went) away', but it was just too painful to go into detail about,
and still is to a degree.
I fell way too hard for the first guy that I started to see after my split with the ex husband- I never considered it a 'rebound', but maybe he did. It was an off and on again (then off...then on...then off...then on) 'romance' that, in hindsight, I've always wondered how much of it was real, and how much of it was fabricated in my head at the time. I have come to realize from more then just MY personal experience, that said person (Mister Marvelous aka Marv) is really just a bad person. That I was a strong woman in a delicate place, and regardless of the feels, if they were real or fake on either side, and he quite possibly was just taking advantage, or building his ego.
A year ago, he sent me a text hoping to end it all with me, and I refused to be dismissed by text yet again from him. I said that if he wanted to end it, he had to man up and do it in person- that I at least deserved that much respect. On St. Patty's Day he did. He has continued to be in my life, in a much more minor way but I always pined, and always wondered about what could have been...until recently.
The day, the moment escapes me. But one day, I woke up..and then I woke up. I painfully replayed the events of this entire 'relationship'(very loosely using that word here) and realized that he is a very, very bad person. And that I was treated very poorly. I've learned from my past and I never want to play the role of the victim. With most break ups, I have the mindset of 'it just didn't work out'. This is entirely different and maybe one day ill be ready to let loose a little bit more ..but for now I just realize the fact that I was done wrong and I have to stop beating myself up over the fact that I fell very hard for someone who was very, very bad to me and is just kind of a shitty human being.
So. A year ago today, I was in a very dark, sad place. I was actually numb for a few days, and probably drunk on sprite and hypnotic (it was a phase) and today, I woke up next to a very wonderful, Caring loving man who wants to be My Protector . Someone who, I never have to question his feelings or play the silly head games that Marv was throwing my way. Someone who accepts me as I am, with my past with my flaws, my faults, my talents, my sarcastic charm. I realize how lucky I am that I can have this, and that I can let go of the bullshit and the lies of my past and just really BE with someone.
And, not to gush again, I realize how insanely happy he makes me and how you can be as marvelous as you think you are, but sometimes, all a lady wants is to feel protected..and being protected can be such a wonderful thing
I should backtrack about a month and a half, to when something amazing and wonderful- and, clearly, unexpected happened. My bitter, cynical ass actually had a good date. An amazing date..my first date with my new boyfriend. Yes, I am coupled or 'booed up', as a coworker of mine likes to put it.
I was at a pissed off place where everyone I was meeting was incredibly dull..thank you, online dating. I had pretty much decided to give up for awhile and had noticed a guy I had talked to a few times visited my profile, so I sent a random message bashing online dating to him and he responded..and text..and dates...and awesomeness.
Enter...The Protector..aka Mr Wonderful, aka Winky (mind out of the gutter-he winks at me..in an adorable, non creepy way). There are so many ways for people to connect...emotionally, physically, mentally, intellectually..and when you hit all of those marks with someone, it is such an amazing and beautiful thing..but now I'm just gushing, so back to the task at hand.
My mind was weighed down by a failure from my past for quite awhile- a failure that ended 1 year ago today. I've mentioned this briefly, with 'the one who got (went) away', but it was just too painful to go into detail about,
and still is to a degree.
I fell way too hard for the first guy that I started to see after my split with the ex husband- I never considered it a 'rebound', but maybe he did. It was an off and on again (then off...then on...then off...then on) 'romance' that, in hindsight, I've always wondered how much of it was real, and how much of it was fabricated in my head at the time. I have come to realize from more then just MY personal experience, that said person (Mister Marvelous aka Marv) is really just a bad person. That I was a strong woman in a delicate place, and regardless of the feels, if they were real or fake on either side, and he quite possibly was just taking advantage, or building his ego.
A year ago, he sent me a text hoping to end it all with me, and I refused to be dismissed by text yet again from him. I said that if he wanted to end it, he had to man up and do it in person- that I at least deserved that much respect. On St. Patty's Day he did. He has continued to be in my life, in a much more minor way but I always pined, and always wondered about what could have been...until recently.
The day, the moment escapes me. But one day, I woke up..and then I woke up. I painfully replayed the events of this entire 'relationship'(very loosely using that word here) and realized that he is a very, very bad person. And that I was treated very poorly. I've learned from my past and I never want to play the role of the victim. With most break ups, I have the mindset of 'it just didn't work out'. This is entirely different and maybe one day ill be ready to let loose a little bit more ..but for now I just realize the fact that I was done wrong and I have to stop beating myself up over the fact that I fell very hard for someone who was very, very bad to me and is just kind of a shitty human being.
So. A year ago today, I was in a very dark, sad place. I was actually numb for a few days, and probably drunk on sprite and hypnotic (it was a phase) and today, I woke up next to a very wonderful, Caring loving man who wants to be My Protector . Someone who, I never have to question his feelings or play the silly head games that Marv was throwing my way. Someone who accepts me as I am, with my past with my flaws, my faults, my talents, my sarcastic charm. I realize how lucky I am that I can have this, and that I can let go of the bullshit and the lies of my past and just really BE with someone.
And, not to gush again, I realize how insanely happy he makes me and how you can be as marvelous as you think you are, but sometimes, all a lady wants is to feel protected..and being protected can be such a wonderful thing
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