The Peter Man

Sometimes, I'm lucky in love... But mostly, it's a little painful.

Before I met The Protector, I had a few dates or...encounters...with a fella I met off of the same dating website. We had looked at each others profile, and he has tattoos and the appropriate amount of facial hair for me to be intrigued, so we sent a few messages back and forth and started texting.

You know how after a situation arises, you start noticing all of these little red flags you should have picked up on earlier? That about sums this up. He actually cancelled our first date a few days prior, which didn't sit very well with me. It wasn't an emergent situation or anything- but, as I typically do, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Also, he referred to his penis as his 'Peter' which, 1- why is he telling me about his 'Peter' anyways? And 2- a Peter? Are his balls 'Paul' and 'Mary'? Who the hell says that? And, 3- the big one..I am by no means the most educated person I know- but I do think I'm smart, and in most situations, I come across that way. However, I chose to ignore the double negatives, misuse of words, and misspellings that littered our text messages, thinking (hoping) that he was more well spoken face to face.

The first date went..ok.  We had enough to talk about but I noticed a lot of ..differences..

1- I am tattooed because I enjoy art, and tattoos are a beautiful art form.  I am not tattooed because I like the attention or because I like to be considered 'weird' or 'different'.  Peter Man is very into having a certain 'image' about him.. which also crosses over into point 2

2- Peter Man likes to say what he likes to say.. whenever he likes to say it.  The poor waitress at the Thai restaurant was so off put by the use of the word 'fuck' when he said it.  Most people would say 'excuse me' and refrain from using it.. not to mention he speaks VERY LOUDLY.  I was uncomfortable because I'm not a rebellious teenager anymore- I'm an adult and love being viewed as such.  As a professional, I never know who my next client could be, so I try to carry myself professionally at all times.  This isn't really a factor in Peter Mans life.

Ok, so the end of the date comes about, and here we are.  Its always the awkward moment of what is going to happen.  We are back at the coffee place, and he says "I hate to cut this short, cause I'm having a great time, but I gotta get home".  We head outside and continue chatting by the door, because its raining outside and as I'm in the middle of a sentence, he says 'ok, gotta go.. bye', leans in for an awkward hug and runs to his car.

..really?  that's how you end a date, country boy?   I mean, I'm cool with the no kiss, because even though we had a good time, I had plenty of reservations about this guy who spoke like the neighbor from Office Space (hence the nickname, Peter Man), but to not even walk me to my car in the rain? Holy rudeness, Batman!

In conclusion, we had 2 more dates after this, and I ended up telling him that we view life too differently for anything more than friendship.  We talk once in a great while about tattoos or something of the sort, but the general consensus between my friends and I is that he dashed on the first date because he had to poop and he didn't want to tell me.