Moving on up...

So it's been awhile- as it usually is.  I may be the worst person at successfully updating a blog.  I could go on with a list of reasons- the amount I work, the lack of time, comic books, the economy, but quite frankly, I typically only update a dating blog when I have something to say about dating.  Makes sense, yeah? 

Well..I don't want to brag or boast but I am hands down in the best, healthiest relationship of my adult life.  5 months in and going strong.  Wait..what?  Only 5 months? You mean I haven't known this guy forever? Cause sometimes it feels that way- in the good way, not the bad. Again, not bragging but we just fit together.  

So, the day came when I looked at him and said "you know that place you pay rent at and are never there cause you are always at my place?" He said "yeah", so I, being the ever so bold lady I've come to be known as, say "why not just stay with me and pay part of the rent there?"

Whoa.  Bold choices. Yes, on August 1st, The Protector will be moving into the humble abode that I share with my best buddy. I've told my mom, and select friends.  The way I look at it, when there are no red flags, when we see each other everyday and still don't want to take a chainsaw to one another and still smile when we look at each other, it's something good. 

And I don't even own a chainsaw. So, we good :) 

Meet the Parents- Protector Style.

So, even though it is early into my new love affair with The Protector, I took a huge step.

A few weeks ago, I said something I haven't said for 8 years...

"I'm going to meet my boyfriends parents today."

The last time I met parents, it was my exhusbands parents and that was at least 8 years ago.  I remember it well.. we were sitting in his basement watching a movie, and his mom walked in the room and he said "Mom, this is Lish.".  Thats it.  She seemed on the fence about me, until about the time that we got serious (and by serious I mean talking about getting engaged) and then she adored me.. until we split up and she got all "take that bitch for everything shes got"- you know, like my used sofa and $100 tv.

My 'relationships' in the past year and a half have been fleeting, so its never come to this step, and the only one guy I would have considered a boyfriend..well his mother seemed less than impressed that he decided to date a girl who lived 4 hours away, covered in tattoos and I was less than impressed with her attitude and kinda never wanted to meet her, no matter how hard it was pushed. 

Everything with The Protector is different.  I was a ball full of nerves, only made more so when I realized I'd be meeting his younger sister as well.  And even more so when I found out his aunt and her boyfriend would be there.   I went from casually saying 'hi' to a boyfriends mom almost a decade ago, to having an acutal sit down dinner with family with this guy. 

The scariest part of all?  They all LOVED me.  They had smart, polite questions about my tattoos, and we actually had real life conversation.  They didn't judge me or look down on me or treat me like I was this horrible, negative infulence on their son. 

Ok, I get it may sound crazy, but I've never done well with parents before.. and that was long before I was heavily tattooed, and after the critisizm that Lawyer Mans (previously referred to as Sir Hustler) mother had about me, sight unseen, it was even more nerve inducing then I would have thought.  But, The Protector is good people, and he comes from a line of good people, it would seem.   People that love and enjoy art and actually (gasp) get to know someone before forming an opinion of them.  I felt very welcomed in what would normally be a very uncomfortable situation for me- and it was lovely.

So, thats why in a month and a halfs time, I agreed to go to his sisters wedding with him.. in Wiscoinsin.  Surrounded by family, in a sleeveless dress with tattoos shown to the world (and covered in sunscreen, of course). 

The Peter Man

Sometimes, I'm lucky in love... But mostly, it's a little painful.

Before I met The Protector, I had a few dates or...encounters...with a fella I met off of the same dating website. We had looked at each others profile, and he has tattoos and the appropriate amount of facial hair for me to be intrigued, so we sent a few messages back and forth and started texting.

You know how after a situation arises, you start noticing all of these little red flags you should have picked up on earlier? That about sums this up. He actually cancelled our first date a few days prior, which didn't sit very well with me. It wasn't an emergent situation or anything- but, as I typically do, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Also, he referred to his penis as his 'Peter' which, 1- why is he telling me about his 'Peter' anyways? And 2- a Peter? Are his balls 'Paul' and 'Mary'? Who the hell says that? And, 3- the big one..I am by no means the most educated person I know- but I do think I'm smart, and in most situations, I come across that way. However, I chose to ignore the double negatives, misuse of words, and misspellings that littered our text messages, thinking (hoping) that he was more well spoken face to face.

The first date went..ok.  We had enough to talk about but I noticed a lot of ..differences..

1- I am tattooed because I enjoy art, and tattoos are a beautiful art form.  I am not tattooed because I like the attention or because I like to be considered 'weird' or 'different'.  Peter Man is very into having a certain 'image' about him.. which also crosses over into point 2

2- Peter Man likes to say what he likes to say.. whenever he likes to say it.  The poor waitress at the Thai restaurant was so off put by the use of the word 'fuck' when he said it.  Most people would say 'excuse me' and refrain from using it.. not to mention he speaks VERY LOUDLY.  I was uncomfortable because I'm not a rebellious teenager anymore- I'm an adult and love being viewed as such.  As a professional, I never know who my next client could be, so I try to carry myself professionally at all times.  This isn't really a factor in Peter Mans life.

Ok, so the end of the date comes about, and here we are.  Its always the awkward moment of what is going to happen.  We are back at the coffee place, and he says "I hate to cut this short, cause I'm having a great time, but I gotta get home".  We head outside and continue chatting by the door, because its raining outside and as I'm in the middle of a sentence, he says 'ok, gotta go.. bye', leans in for an awkward hug and runs to his car.

..really?  that's how you end a date, country boy?   I mean, I'm cool with the no kiss, because even though we had a good time, I had plenty of reservations about this guy who spoke like the neighbor from Office Space (hence the nickname, Peter Man), but to not even walk me to my car in the rain? Holy rudeness, Batman!

In conclusion, we had 2 more dates after this, and I ended up telling him that we view life too differently for anything more than friendship.  We talk once in a great while about tattoos or something of the sort, but the general consensus between my friends and I is that he dashed on the first date because he had to poop and he didn't want to tell me. 

Luck of the Irish..for sure.

So, today has me reflecting quite a bit- technically, the past few days have me reflecting. More than ever.

I should backtrack about a month and a half, to when something amazing and wonderful- and, clearly, unexpected happened. My bitter, cynical ass actually had a good date. An amazing date..my first date with my new boyfriend. Yes, I am coupled or 'booed up', as a coworker of mine likes to put it.

I was at a pissed off place where everyone I was meeting was incredibly dull..thank you, online dating. I had pretty much decided to give up for awhile and had noticed a guy I had talked to a few times visited my profile, so I sent a random message bashing online dating to him and he responded..and text..and dates...and awesomeness.

Enter...The Protector..aka Mr Wonderful, aka Winky (mind out of the gutter-he winks at me..in an adorable, non creepy way). There are so many ways for people to connect...emotionally, physically, mentally, intellectually..and when you hit all of those marks with someone, it is such an amazing and beautiful thing..but now I'm just gushing, so back to the task at hand.

My mind was weighed down by a failure from my past for quite awhile- a failure that ended 1 year ago today. I've mentioned this briefly, with 'the one who got (went) away', but it was just too painful to go into detail about,
and still is to a degree.

I fell way too hard for the first guy that I started to see after my split with the ex husband- I never considered it a 'rebound', but maybe he did. It was an off and on again (then off...then on...then off...then on) 'romance' that, in hindsight, I've always wondered how much of it was real, and how much of it was fabricated in my head at the time. I have come to realize from more then just MY personal experience, that said person (Mister Marvelous aka Marv) is really just a bad person. That I was a strong woman in a delicate place, and regardless of the feels, if they were real or fake on either side, and he quite possibly was just taking advantage, or building his ego.

A year ago, he sent me a text hoping to end it all with me, and I refused to be dismissed by text yet again from him. I said that if he wanted to end it, he had to man up and do it in person- that I at least deserved that much respect. On St. Patty's Day he did. He has continued to be in my life, in a much more minor way but I always pined, and always wondered about what could have been...until recently.

The day, the moment escapes me. But one day, I woke up..and then I woke up. I painfully replayed the events of this entire 'relationship'(very loosely using that word here) and realized that he is a very, very bad person. And that I was treated very poorly. I've learned from my past and I never want to play the role of the victim. With most break ups, I have the mindset of 'it just didn't work out'. This is entirely different and maybe one day ill be ready to let loose a little bit more ..but for now I just realize the fact that I was done wrong and I have to stop beating myself up over the fact that I fell very hard for someone who was very, very bad to me and is just kind of a shitty human being.

So. A year ago today, I was in a very dark, sad place. I was actually numb for a few days, and probably drunk on sprite and hypnotic (it was a phase) and today, I woke up next to a very wonderful, Caring loving man who wants to be My Protector . Someone who, I never have to question his feelings or play the silly head games that Marv was throwing my way. Someone who accepts me as I am, with my past with my flaws, my faults, my talents, my sarcastic charm. I realize how lucky I am that I can have this, and that I can let go of the bullshit and the lies of my past and just really BE with someone.

And, not to gush again, I realize how insanely happy he makes me and how you can be as marvelous as you think you are, but sometimes, all a lady wants is to feel protected..and being protected can be such a wonderful thing

Mr. No-Spark

So, I briefly touched on this guy with my last blog, but wanted to go a little more into detail, without boring you to death, cause, quite frankly, its a boring story.

I met this guy online (online dating..ftw?) and he seemed nice and we have common interests and OKCupid seemed to think that I would dig him so I tried to. I should have had a bad feeling about this when he messaged me one night when he was really drunk and was a bit obnoxious, but if anyone knows what its like to have obnoxious drunk fun, its this girl so I let it slide.

Key Points for date 1:

• He seemed nervous the moment he saw me, not just a little 'first date nerves' but like super shaky and nervous.
• We went to a nice restaurant, but 90% of the wait staff stopped to talk to me, particularly to comment (positively, mind you) on my tattoos, and this seemed to make him a bit uncomfortable. I tend to get some attention from people when I'm out, and I've grown ok with this. I'm polite and informative.
• I carried the entire conversation through dinner. He seemed to have nothing to say unless I asked him a question.
• We sat through a 3 hour movie, in which he tried to put his arm around me. Kinda familiar for someone who can't really form his half of a conversation around me, but ok.
• The dreaded end of the night- he goes in for a kiss, to which I offer my cheek and only my cheek.

So, I kind of refuse to have a 'bad date'. I mean, most of the time, I'm at least getting a free meal out of it and I don't have a ton of free time so I may as well make the most of it, right? I'm not saying I had a BAD TIME. Hes very nice. but that's is.
At work, everyone asked how my date was. I responded with "he's very nice". they said "ohhh..that bad?". that's just how it goes.. at least maybe for me, I just don't have the chemistry I need when I come across these super nice, super laid back guys.

So, Mr No-Spark and I continue texting for a bit after said date, and when he asks me out again, I agree because I'm hoping maybe it was just nerves or something. He was really complimentary of me between dates, which was sweet, so whats the harm in seeing what happens?

Key Points for date 2:

• It was the same as date 1.

Ok, well it wasn't exactly the same.. we talked shit on kids more, and I got a little more drunk, but If I don't feel it after 2 glasses of wine, there is nothing there to feel. The movie was worse this time around, and I was hoping he was realizing there wasn't this deep emotional connection coming from my side of the equation. But sometimes, men just don't get the hint, and when he leaned in to kiss me, it was insanely awkward. Insanely.

He continues to text me and want to see me again, and I am TERRIBLE at breaking things off. I realize its not going to happen, but I don't want to be mean to a nice guy, so I essentially bring up the fact that hes so nervous around me and that for a guy to be with a girl like me he needs to have a bit confidence then that and he takes the hint and backs off.

See.. I warned you it was boring but sometimes that's what dating is- boring. I think I had luck early on with dating- no everything didn't go magically wonderful, but there was sparks and chemistry flying around so that made it fun. I need the fun, the magic, the anticipation for a text. Those things..so online dating... not FTW on this one.

Nice Guys Finish...Somewhere in the Middle (pt 1)

So this is more of a thought I've been having lately- after the 'string of 3'.

They say things happen in 3's so maybe its time to be more hopeful for my next round of suitors.  However, I've primarily been dating around since my recent relationship ended ( limited information will be included on this) and I've noticed a trend- nice guys.  Yeah, I know some of you believe they don't exist and the ones that DO exist will state that they indeed finish last as we have been told from the start.  All women claim they want the 'nice guy' or ..'why can't I just find a nice guy'?  Truth is, you do, probably more often then you care to realize because you are guilty (as well as I am) of casting them aside for various reasons.  My reason?  Chemistry. Sometimes...Sometimes its other things.

Some men work so hard to be nice, they are TOO nice.. to the point of being a push over, out to please everyone at once and they loose sight of what they actually want.  Its a fine line that men seem to need to walk of being a nice guy and an asshole. 

1 of 3- Sir Hustler
So, Sir Hustler and I dated for about 5 months, and it ended a bit more sour then I had hoped.  I really don't care to say anything in detail at this time, because its only been about a month since the break up, but regardless, he was a 'nice guy'.  When we talked, he even marketed himself as such to me. He did nice things for me, was supportive, and then. .I don't know.. maybe I'm a bitch, or maybe I just know what I want and what I can do and what I can't do.  It came to pass that I just saw a lot of personal differences between us, and the way we reacted to things.. it was sometimes big things, sometimes small things, but every time one of these differences presented itself, I knew in my head how I would have acted or reacted to it, and his reaction was EXACTLY the opposite of mine.  I know that I can be difficult- I can hold grudges and I can be downright mean.. but the thing about a person who knows what they want is they also tend to know what they DON'T want.  Maybe at some point, I'll explore this relationship in more detail, but in conclusion, it was never the fact that he wasn't 'nice' or pleasant, or fun to be around, its just that nice doesn't always cut it when I see that we handle things so differently, and in ways that I can't find in myself to live with.

2 of 3- Mr. No Spark
So this guy I met online asked me to go on a date, and I literally thought 'sure.. I  have nothing else on the agenda'.  So we went to dinner and a movie.  Really nice dinner, and went to see The Hobbit.  The problem is, through dinner, I carried the entire conversation.  He didn't have much to say unless prompted.  I could tell he was insanely nervous.  I have a certain..presence about me, I get that.  But I also try to make people feel comfortable around me.  So we had dinner, and then sat next to each other in silence through a 3 hour movie, and then at the end of the date, he leans in for the dreaded end of night kiss..to which he gets a cheek.  I felt no chemistry with this guy at all, and I was hoping it was just nerves so when he asked for a 2nd date, I agreed.  Again, he chose dinner and a movie.  Nice dinner, terrible movie, but again, no chemistry.  Again, this is a story I will add more to later, however for the time being,  I'm focusing on the fact that he was NICE.  He opened doors, he paid for dinners, movies, everything.. but there was no spark at all.

Before I begin part 3, which will now wait til the next time, I just wanted to clarify, even to myself- ladies, we need to quit complaining about the 'nice guys' and how they aren't there.  We need to be honest with ourselves sometimes and just say 'it didn't work..but he's nice'.  I'm far beyond the point where I'm going to sit around bashing my exes, especially the ones that are decent people when I know for a fact there are far worse men out there, and just say "sometimes, I prefer the asshole guys"... because sometimes we do.  Chemistry is a hard thing to fake, and a harder thing to find.  The perfect guy doesn't exist, I'm sure, but when you can find someone that makes the decisions you can live with, and the spark you so desire, and that what you want, go for it.  But don't bitch about the 'nice guys' and how they aren't out there- they are. They just may not be the one right for you.