The Peter Man

Sometimes, I'm lucky in love... But mostly, it's a little painful.

Before I met The Protector, I had a few dates or...encounters...with a fella I met off of the same dating website. We had looked at each others profile, and he has tattoos and the appropriate amount of facial hair for me to be intrigued, so we sent a few messages back and forth and started texting.

You know how after a situation arises, you start noticing all of these little red flags you should have picked up on earlier? That about sums this up. He actually cancelled our first date a few days prior, which didn't sit very well with me. It wasn't an emergent situation or anything- but, as I typically do, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Also, he referred to his penis as his 'Peter' which, 1- why is he telling me about his 'Peter' anyways? And 2- a Peter? Are his balls 'Paul' and 'Mary'? Who the hell says that? And, 3- the big one..I am by no means the most educated person I know- but I do think I'm smart, and in most situations, I come across that way. However, I chose to ignore the double negatives, misuse of words, and misspellings that littered our text messages, thinking (hoping) that he was more well spoken face to face.

The first date went..ok.  We had enough to talk about but I noticed a lot of ..differences..

1- I am tattooed because I enjoy art, and tattoos are a beautiful art form.  I am not tattooed because I like the attention or because I like to be considered 'weird' or 'different'.  Peter Man is very into having a certain 'image' about him.. which also crosses over into point 2

2- Peter Man likes to say what he likes to say.. whenever he likes to say it.  The poor waitress at the Thai restaurant was so off put by the use of the word 'fuck' when he said it.  Most people would say 'excuse me' and refrain from using it.. not to mention he speaks VERY LOUDLY.  I was uncomfortable because I'm not a rebellious teenager anymore- I'm an adult and love being viewed as such.  As a professional, I never know who my next client could be, so I try to carry myself professionally at all times.  This isn't really a factor in Peter Mans life.

Ok, so the end of the date comes about, and here we are.  Its always the awkward moment of what is going to happen.  We are back at the coffee place, and he says "I hate to cut this short, cause I'm having a great time, but I gotta get home".  We head outside and continue chatting by the door, because its raining outside and as I'm in the middle of a sentence, he says 'ok, gotta go.. bye', leans in for an awkward hug and runs to his car.

..really?  that's how you end a date, country boy?   I mean, I'm cool with the no kiss, because even though we had a good time, I had plenty of reservations about this guy who spoke like the neighbor from Office Space (hence the nickname, Peter Man), but to not even walk me to my car in the rain? Holy rudeness, Batman!

In conclusion, we had 2 more dates after this, and I ended up telling him that we view life too differently for anything more than friendship.  We talk once in a great while about tattoos or something of the sort, but the general consensus between my friends and I is that he dashed on the first date because he had to poop and he didn't want to tell me. 

Luck of the Irish..for sure.

So, today has me reflecting quite a bit- technically, the past few days have me reflecting. More than ever.

I should backtrack about a month and a half, to when something amazing and wonderful- and, clearly, unexpected happened. My bitter, cynical ass actually had a good date. An amazing date..my first date with my new boyfriend. Yes, I am coupled or 'booed up', as a coworker of mine likes to put it.

I was at a pissed off place where everyone I was meeting was incredibly dull..thank you, online dating. I had pretty much decided to give up for awhile and had noticed a guy I had talked to a few times visited my profile, so I sent a random message bashing online dating to him and he responded..and text..and dates...and awesomeness.

Enter...The Protector..aka Mr Wonderful, aka Winky (mind out of the gutter-he winks at me..in an adorable, non creepy way). There are so many ways for people to connect...emotionally, physically, mentally, intellectually..and when you hit all of those marks with someone, it is such an amazing and beautiful thing..but now I'm just gushing, so back to the task at hand.

My mind was weighed down by a failure from my past for quite awhile- a failure that ended 1 year ago today. I've mentioned this briefly, with 'the one who got (went) away', but it was just too painful to go into detail about,
and still is to a degree.

I fell way too hard for the first guy that I started to see after my split with the ex husband- I never considered it a 'rebound', but maybe he did. It was an off and on again (then off...then on...then off...then on) 'romance' that, in hindsight, I've always wondered how much of it was real, and how much of it was fabricated in my head at the time. I have come to realize from more then just MY personal experience, that said person (Mister Marvelous aka Marv) is really just a bad person. That I was a strong woman in a delicate place, and regardless of the feels, if they were real or fake on either side, and he quite possibly was just taking advantage, or building his ego.

A year ago, he sent me a text hoping to end it all with me, and I refused to be dismissed by text yet again from him. I said that if he wanted to end it, he had to man up and do it in person- that I at least deserved that much respect. On St. Patty's Day he did. He has continued to be in my life, in a much more minor way but I always pined, and always wondered about what could have been...until recently.

The day, the moment escapes me. But one day, I woke up..and then I woke up. I painfully replayed the events of this entire 'relationship'(very loosely using that word here) and realized that he is a very, very bad person. And that I was treated very poorly. I've learned from my past and I never want to play the role of the victim. With most break ups, I have the mindset of 'it just didn't work out'. This is entirely different and maybe one day ill be ready to let loose a little bit more ..but for now I just realize the fact that I was done wrong and I have to stop beating myself up over the fact that I fell very hard for someone who was very, very bad to me and is just kind of a shitty human being.

So. A year ago today, I was in a very dark, sad place. I was actually numb for a few days, and probably drunk on sprite and hypnotic (it was a phase) and today, I woke up next to a very wonderful, Caring loving man who wants to be My Protector . Someone who, I never have to question his feelings or play the silly head games that Marv was throwing my way. Someone who accepts me as I am, with my past with my flaws, my faults, my talents, my sarcastic charm. I realize how lucky I am that I can have this, and that I can let go of the bullshit and the lies of my past and just really BE with someone.

And, not to gush again, I realize how insanely happy he makes me and how you can be as marvelous as you think you are, but sometimes, all a lady wants is to feel protected..and being protected can be such a wonderful thing

Mr. No-Spark

So, I briefly touched on this guy with my last blog, but wanted to go a little more into detail, without boring you to death, cause, quite frankly, its a boring story.

I met this guy online (online dating..ftw?) and he seemed nice and we have common interests and OKCupid seemed to think that I would dig him so I tried to. I should have had a bad feeling about this when he messaged me one night when he was really drunk and was a bit obnoxious, but if anyone knows what its like to have obnoxious drunk fun, its this girl so I let it slide.

Key Points for date 1:

• He seemed nervous the moment he saw me, not just a little 'first date nerves' but like super shaky and nervous.
• We went to a nice restaurant, but 90% of the wait staff stopped to talk to me, particularly to comment (positively, mind you) on my tattoos, and this seemed to make him a bit uncomfortable. I tend to get some attention from people when I'm out, and I've grown ok with this. I'm polite and informative.
• I carried the entire conversation through dinner. He seemed to have nothing to say unless I asked him a question.
• We sat through a 3 hour movie, in which he tried to put his arm around me. Kinda familiar for someone who can't really form his half of a conversation around me, but ok.
• The dreaded end of the night- he goes in for a kiss, to which I offer my cheek and only my cheek.

So, I kind of refuse to have a 'bad date'. I mean, most of the time, I'm at least getting a free meal out of it and I don't have a ton of free time so I may as well make the most of it, right? I'm not saying I had a BAD TIME. Hes very nice. but that's is.
At work, everyone asked how my date was. I responded with "he's very nice". they said "ohhh..that bad?". that's just how it goes.. at least maybe for me, I just don't have the chemistry I need when I come across these super nice, super laid back guys.

So, Mr No-Spark and I continue texting for a bit after said date, and when he asks me out again, I agree because I'm hoping maybe it was just nerves or something. He was really complimentary of me between dates, which was sweet, so whats the harm in seeing what happens?

Key Points for date 2:

• It was the same as date 1.

Ok, well it wasn't exactly the same.. we talked shit on kids more, and I got a little more drunk, but If I don't feel it after 2 glasses of wine, there is nothing there to feel. The movie was worse this time around, and I was hoping he was realizing there wasn't this deep emotional connection coming from my side of the equation. But sometimes, men just don't get the hint, and when he leaned in to kiss me, it was insanely awkward. Insanely.

He continues to text me and want to see me again, and I am TERRIBLE at breaking things off. I realize its not going to happen, but I don't want to be mean to a nice guy, so I essentially bring up the fact that hes so nervous around me and that for a guy to be with a girl like me he needs to have a bit confidence then that and he takes the hint and backs off.

See.. I warned you it was boring but sometimes that's what dating is- boring. I think I had luck early on with dating- no everything didn't go magically wonderful, but there was sparks and chemistry flying around so that made it fun. I need the fun, the magic, the anticipation for a text. Those things..so online dating... not FTW on this one.

Nice Guys Finish...Somewhere in the Middle (pt 1)

So this is more of a thought I've been having lately- after the 'string of 3'.

They say things happen in 3's so maybe its time to be more hopeful for my next round of suitors.  However, I've primarily been dating around since my recent relationship ended ( limited information will be included on this) and I've noticed a trend- nice guys.  Yeah, I know some of you believe they don't exist and the ones that DO exist will state that they indeed finish last as we have been told from the start.  All women claim they want the 'nice guy' or ..'why can't I just find a nice guy'?  Truth is, you do, probably more often then you care to realize because you are guilty (as well as I am) of casting them aside for various reasons.  My reason?  Chemistry. Sometimes...Sometimes its other things.

Some men work so hard to be nice, they are TOO nice.. to the point of being a push over, out to please everyone at once and they loose sight of what they actually want.  Its a fine line that men seem to need to walk of being a nice guy and an asshole. 

1 of 3- Sir Hustler
So, Sir Hustler and I dated for about 5 months, and it ended a bit more sour then I had hoped.  I really don't care to say anything in detail at this time, because its only been about a month since the break up, but regardless, he was a 'nice guy'.  When we talked, he even marketed himself as such to me. He did nice things for me, was supportive, and then. .I don't know.. maybe I'm a bitch, or maybe I just know what I want and what I can do and what I can't do.  It came to pass that I just saw a lot of personal differences between us, and the way we reacted to things.. it was sometimes big things, sometimes small things, but every time one of these differences presented itself, I knew in my head how I would have acted or reacted to it, and his reaction was EXACTLY the opposite of mine.  I know that I can be difficult- I can hold grudges and I can be downright mean.. but the thing about a person who knows what they want is they also tend to know what they DON'T want.  Maybe at some point, I'll explore this relationship in more detail, but in conclusion, it was never the fact that he wasn't 'nice' or pleasant, or fun to be around, its just that nice doesn't always cut it when I see that we handle things so differently, and in ways that I can't find in myself to live with.

2 of 3- Mr. No Spark
So this guy I met online asked me to go on a date, and I literally thought 'sure.. I  have nothing else on the agenda'.  So we went to dinner and a movie.  Really nice dinner, and went to see The Hobbit.  The problem is, through dinner, I carried the entire conversation.  He didn't have much to say unless prompted.  I could tell he was insanely nervous.  I have a certain..presence about me, I get that.  But I also try to make people feel comfortable around me.  So we had dinner, and then sat next to each other in silence through a 3 hour movie, and then at the end of the date, he leans in for the dreaded end of night kiss..to which he gets a cheek.  I felt no chemistry with this guy at all, and I was hoping it was just nerves so when he asked for a 2nd date, I agreed.  Again, he chose dinner and a movie.  Nice dinner, terrible movie, but again, no chemistry.  Again, this is a story I will add more to later, however for the time being,  I'm focusing on the fact that he was NICE.  He opened doors, he paid for dinners, movies, everything.. but there was no spark at all.

Before I begin part 3, which will now wait til the next time, I just wanted to clarify, even to myself- ladies, we need to quit complaining about the 'nice guys' and how they aren't there.  We need to be honest with ourselves sometimes and just say 'it didn't work..but he's nice'.  I'm far beyond the point where I'm going to sit around bashing my exes, especially the ones that are decent people when I know for a fact there are far worse men out there, and just say "sometimes, I prefer the asshole guys"... because sometimes we do.  Chemistry is a hard thing to fake, and a harder thing to find.  The perfect guy doesn't exist, I'm sure, but when you can find someone that makes the decisions you can live with, and the spark you so desire, and that what you want, go for it.  But don't bitch about the 'nice guys' and how they aren't out there- they are. They just may not be the one right for you.

 

 

 

 

 

Dating in the Digital Age

I haven't blogged in a really long time.  Not for lack of material but more for lack of motivation as well as lack of time to blog with. I'm sitting home on Sunday night bored, and I keep thinking of the things I've said, "wow.. I should blog about that", hence born the Sunday night blog.

Alright so this is more of a pet peeve then anything else when it comes to dating in the modern age.. or should I say.. the digital age?  I was out of the dating scene, thinking I had found endless marital bliss for around 7 years or so and when I reemrged, all be it much hotter then I had been years earlier, I had no idea what to expect. 

So first comes Mr. Marvelous and he and I dated off and on for 7 months and had 2 phone conversations, both around 2 minutes each.  We texted everyday, through out the day.

So then, when Marv and I were in down time, comes the previously written about Star Wars Tattoos (SWT) and I have no idea how long off and on that went.. too long would probably be the most acceptable answer.  He called me 1 time, and played Salt n Peppa's Push It into the phone..and never spoke. 

I know I have complained quite a few times about Zombie Tank and how he ONLY wanted to talk on the phone, I just feel there should be a medium.  You either seem to get these guys who refuse to learn how to text , or only text using the age old male line of "I just hate being on the phone".  I think I have a tendency to want to be in the middle.  Text, cause I'm busy, but set aside some phone time, cause texting seems so impersonal sometimes. 

There is the other issue about text only dating... which if your my mom stop reading now cause shit is about to get inappropriate...

Men think they can text you ANYthing..ANYtime.. My good friend P and I have discussed the inappropriateness of certain pictures coming to our cell phones (and in 1 case a freaking video).  People get shameless- I get that.  But when you leave your phone unattended at your desk, and come back and push a button to check the time and..oh .. hi there.  That happy to speak to..I mean text me?  I even got a montage once.  No.  Twice.  He didn't think I got it the first time.  No honey.. I didn't comment cause I was told if I didn't have anything nice to say then to keep my mouth shut and last I checked calling you trashy wasn't exactly nice. 

Then the world of online dating.  Oh brother.  I'm the first to admit its not the best idea to pick up a guy in a bar, not a great idea to date coworkers..so how does one exactly meet someone single and eligible of the opposite sex?  Well.. online of course.  I am actually banned from the dating site Plenty Of Fish.. I'm not quite sure why but the information sent to me was that I had a complaint filed on me.  True I met SWT there and he and I hated each other frequently and I couldn't help but notice he saw when I recreated my profile, and he quite possibly reported me.. or was it Over-reaction Guy (who I have yet to blog about) bitter that I chose someone else over him?? Or the overly sensitive Mr. Christian-pants saying he was lookin' for a good old fashioned Christian girl and I told him to keep looking?  Who knows.  I just know I'm blacklisted from there permanantly and they warned that IF I create a new account it will automatically get deleted no matter what email I make it under. 

Nice side story, I know.  Mind you, I'm not 100% against online dating.  I just think it can lead to a very vicious cycle.  And also... IF you online date, don't use photoshop unless you are adjusting the lighting, or fixing red eye, or possibly removing a zit.  If you are a 400 lb man with only 1 arm, I'm gonna notice that when I meet you.  We only like to post the most flattering pictures of ourself, I get that.  I mean, put up a few of the best and a few mediocre.  The 'muppet master' met a girl on POF and he said that not only was she annoying and boring (something not as easily conveyed by text as it would have been over the phone, mind you) but she looked NOTHING like her pictures.  How the hell does that happen?  I'm the queen of looking diffrent from day to day, but you'll still see all kinds of pictures of me- with make up, without; in dresses, in sweats.  It goes on...

I swear that sometimes it was easier sitting by the phone waiting for a guy to call or not call.  Because then I had the option.  And I could always hang up on him.  Sure I can delete a text from my phone, but not my memory.  And when you REALLLY REALLY want him to text, you know you check your phone a million times a minute.  I swear, when Marv and I were dating, I have no idea how I got any work done...ever. I sat with my finger posed about the 'reply to text' button on my phone. (that just cries desperation, but hey I was into the guy)

Technology makes meeting, and connecting so much easier.  It just makes me wonder how much we meet the people we WANT to meet or just the ones who are convienent for us to meet.  It makes me wonder how much we really connect when we have to read that someone 'lold' rather then just hear them laugh once in awhile.

Breath of Death

So, this one night I was out at a very crowded bar and I'm not ashamed to say I was quite a few drinks in. What happens when you mix liquer, beer, me, and a cute bearded guy walking by? Thats right..random beard grab.

I'm at the bar waiting on one of my many drinks and this guy comes by with a beard, not really an epic beard but a good enough beard. I just reach over and stroke this guys beard- out of nowhere. We get to talking a little bit, exchange numbers and he leans in to give me a kiss on the cheek, and then it hits me... his breath. Oh dear god his breath.

Ok, I'm being a little dramatic because on that first night, it really wasn't that strong, and for all I knew it could have been anything because I was hammered. Thats why when he texted me at some later point in time and asked me out on a date, I accepted. Physically, his sense of humor, his tastes in music- he was pretty much my type. He was also from the south, which I'd never gone out with a southerner before so I figured it could end up being a fun experience.

False.

He came to pick me up in a dirty truck, about an hour late, and we went to a bar around the corner from my house. Its more of a dive bar (dive TOWN, to be more precise), and we sit and talk for a bit and have a few beers. Its not very loud in the bar so we aren't very close when talking, so it wasn't until after I kicked his ass in a game of pool (naturally) and we went back to my place to watch a movie that he tried to kiss me... and thats when it ACTUALLY did hit me and I had a flash back from the night we met... it wasn't alcohol.. it wasn't a sewer.. that stank was commin' straight from his grill and he was trying to put it in mine. I pulled back and continued to watch the movie, not wanting to be a total dick and be like "homeboy needs a mint". I figured we could pull of 20 more minutes of him and I hanging out, breathing in opposite directions and then I'd pull the whole "its late and I have to work early" line.

 I'm an honest person, but this is one subject I'm not real clear what the etiquette is on approaching this subject, espically on a first date. Could it possibly be this easy? No ... guess a slight taste was not enough because he contiunes to push- he keeps trying to kiss me, and..well.. more even though I'm like 'hey I'm not like that' (usually).. so strike 2, as if the Breath of Death wasn't enough, he's overly pushy about sex. The 20 minutes I was gonna wait to get 'tired'? Turned into 10. I politely excused myself for bed and saw him to the door.

Could I be lucky enough that this is my only encounter with this guy?

Wait and see..

In A Galaxy Far Far Away...(pt 1)

This shit is about to get epic up in there.

This is the long awaited story...of a man.. in a galaxy far far away... with Star Wars Tattoos.

Ok, for real though, he does live like a half hour away but when communication is lacking, and hes kind of a ho' it really does feel like its a galaxy far far away and sometimes the only thing that can pull you away is the force.

Soon after splitting with my husband, I decided to enter the world of online dating. Plentyoffish.com- and this is not a recommendation, which we will find out later why. I see this guy with a beautiful full beard and in his online profile it says that all the tattoos on his right arm are Star Wars Oriented. Ok, so if we know me, we know I love beards, Star Wars, and tattoos, so I very quickly mark him as a 'favorite' which prompts him to send me a message.. and then his phone number. Which leads to us texting for a few hours... and meeting the next day.

Again, if we know me, we know I move fast from time to time. And the Star Wars Tattoos and I did move very fast- 'nuff said, right? We don't need all the gory details, but I felt a pretty decent connection with this guy right off the bat. I even went up the next weekend and hung out with him, Saturday night into Sunday. I noticed a funny thing he kept saying after most conversations we had. He would mention a girls name, tell a story and then inevitably say "and then I fucked her". umm.. what? So your trying to get to know me, possibly date me, and you want to tell me about all these girls you slept with.

So on my way home Sunday, he and I were texting a little bit and I said "you don't really seem like a one woman kind of guy" and he goes into a very long explanation of how yes he slept with these girls and that if it was something bad he wouldn't have told me about it, how he would have tried to hide it.

This Star Wars saga has more then 6 tales to it, unfortunately, so I will have to tell them slowly, bit by bit. I wanted to just start off with a little taste to show you what we are up against here. Look forward to many more, and much better stories about this one to come in the near future.